


until love came in

by hondayota



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam is leaving for college soon, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, blue gansey and henry are on their road trip and Ronan and Adam miss their friends, first I love you, takes place during the summer of the opal short story so between trk and cdth, they are in love!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21643321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondayota/pseuds/hondayota
Summary: prompt from Tumblr - the first time they say I love you!Adam was still learning to pronounce love in a way without sharp edges. He suspected Ronan was, too.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132





	until love came in

Adam knew he was in love with Ronan, that Ronan was in love with him. Ronan knew, too. They had known it, probably, from before they had even started dating, had understood that this was where they would end up: Adam’s head on Ronan’s chest as they lay in bed at The Barns, one of Ronan’s hands in Adam’s hair and the other playing with Adam’s own. Adam had known, absolutely, from the moment he had kissed Ronan on the porch, that he was committing himself to being in love. Ronan didn’t believe in feeling things halfway, and Adam didn’t believe in letting love slip out of his life after he’d spent so many years wanting, so kissing Ronan back had been saying yes, I’m sure. Now it was the middle of summer, the sun already high and bright and the Henrietta heat a shade away from stifling despite the early hour, and the worst of everything was months behind them, and they were in love. They did not say it. 

Adam was still learning to pronounce love in a way without sharp edges. He suspected Ronan was, too. Though Ronan had been rich in love growing up, it hadn’t been a simple thing. He had watched too many of his loved ones be torn from his life for the word to spill easily from his tongue. Love, for Ronan, was something full, something consuming and sometimes fearful— love meant there was much more to lose. Adam understood this. He knew Ronan understood that love, for Adam, was something unfamiliar and coveted. Saying I love you was not something that came naturally to either of them anymore, so they didn’t say it. But they felt it, and they knew each other. 

Ronan dropped out of Aglionby and began to spend his days at The Barns, instead, exploring the dreams Niall had left behind and adding his own. Adam got texts throughout the day when Ronan found things he thought would interest him, or that Adam could offer insight into, or that Ronan thought were fucking weird, man and wanted someone else to see/be disturbed by. After work most days, Adam drove his shitbox out to The Barns and spent the evening with Ronan, sifting through stacks of Niall’s dreamstuff or whirling donuts in Ronan’s car or making out. During finals, when Adam was too busy to do anything but hole up above St. Agnes and study, Ronan brought him dinner and sat on his floor, quiet and companionable. 

Adam researched college closer to Henrietta and sent in a fleet of last-minute applications; Ronan pointedly left Adam’s un-answered Ivy League acceptance letters out where Adam would see them. Ronan brought back small jars of hand cream from his dreams and presented them, grinning, to Adam; Adam programmed an ear-crushing EDM station as a shortcut on the shibox’s radio. Adam slept at The Barns most nights after graduation and traced Ronan’s tattoo slowly; Ronan kissed each of Adam’s fingers, one-by-one. 

“Hey,” Ronan said, shifting Adam’s head off his chest so he could sit up, “Time to get up.” 

“Not all of us are farmers who want to be out of bed this early,” Adam mumbled into the bed, but he followed Ronan downstairs and ate breakfast anyway. Ronan and Adam had pancakes. Opal had six bites of a pancake and several furtive bites of the table itself. After breakfast, they tramped through the dirt to each of the animal-barns and fed Ronan’s ever-growing herd of creatures. Some were dreamt, but some had just wandered in from the wild, as creatures were wont to do around Ronan. Ronan stroked each of his animals on the head and greeted them all by increasingly mechanically-based names. Adam had not been given the opportunity to name any animals because Ronan had deemed his names boring, to which Adam responded that Ronan’s names were just tools Ronan had seen lying around The Barns.  
When the animals had been fed, Ronan glanced at Adam and grinned, sharklike, before breaking into a sprint, calling “Race you!” over his shoulder when he was safely several yards ahead. Adam ran after him, lost in the pound of his feet against the ground, the way Ronan’s laugh floated back to him. Outside the house, Ronan stopped to watch Adam catch up, arms raised in an obnoxious imitation of victory. Adam sped up and crashed purposefully into Ronan, toppling them both to the ground in a tangle of limbs. 

“Asshole,” Ronan told him, panting, his face inches from Adam’s. 

“Takes one to know one,” Adam retorted, pressing their foreheads together. He thought he had never been so happy. 

At lunchtime, Blue and Gansey and Henry called. They had left for their great gap year finding-ourselves-and-living-our-lives road-trip a few weeks ago, and they called at least once a week and texted at least twenty times a day, mostly pictures sent by Blue and Henry of Gansey looking unnaturally bright but somehow at home in various wild areas across the country, sometimes pictures of Blue ungracefully asleep on Henry’s shoulder from Gansey with a heartwarming caption. Adam missed them desperately. He knew Ronan did, too. 

They had met at Nino’s for one last meal the day before they left, Blue and Gansey and Henry chattering excitedly about the places they’d see and Ronan’s gift of the dreamt camaro, Adam and Ronan supportive but quiet, already feeling their loss. 

“Now, Ronan,” Gansey had said, washing down a bite of his weird deep-dish avocado pizza with a sip of iced-tea, which they had deemed safe to order since Blue no longer worked at Nino’s and therefore couldn’t spit in it, “you’re sure you don’t want to come with us? We’d love to have you.” 

Adam tensed at the thought of Ronan’s leaving with Blue and Gansey and Henry. Ronan pressed his leg firmly against Adam’s under the table and squeezed Adam’s hand. “Nah,” Ronan told Gansey, “I can’t leave Parrish in charge of The Barns. Beats me how he got into Harvard when he can’t even pick up how to run a farm that’s mostly magical and self-sufficient.” 

Blue unsubtly nudged Gansey in the ribs and shot him a look. “We know why you want to stay, Ronan. Gansey’s just trying to say that we’ll miss y’all when we’re gone. It’ll be strange not to be all together anymore.” 

“Yes,” Gansey agreed. “We’ll miss you badly. Do wonderful things while we’re gone, will you?” 

They ate and too quickly it was time for Blue and Gansey and Henry to leave. Henry offered Adam and Ronan each a goodbye and hearty fistbump, then climbed into his car and drove away, shouting “see you tomorrow!” to Blue and Gansey through the window. Then it was just Blue and Gansey and Adam and Ronan, and Adam found himself standing in front of Blue as Gansey and Ronan talked on the other side of the Pig. 

“I really will miss you, Adam,” Blue said. “I can’t believe I’m driving across the country with two raven boys. Thank god the car Ronan dreamt doesn’t have an engine so they can’t argue about paying for my gas.” 

Adam laughed and felt tears well up in his eyes. “I’ll miss you, Blue.” 

“We’re coming back. Don’t worry.” 

“I know. I’ll still miss you.” 

Adam watched Gansey and Ronan embrace and walk over to him and Blue. 

“Adam,” said Gansey, and wrapped him in a fierce hug. 

“Oh, I can’t believe we’re leaving,” Blue cried, and knotted a hand in the back of Adam’s t-shirt, pulling him to her. She yanked Ronan into her other side and hugged them both. “Come here, Gansey,” she demanded, so Gansey wrapped his arms around Adam and Ronan too, and they stood like that for several minutes. Finally, Blue and Gansey untangled themselves from Adam and Ronan and drove off. 

When Ronan answered the phone now, as he and Adam sat on the couch eating lunch, Blue and Gansey and Henry all started talking at once, scrambling over each other joyously, their faces crammed together to fit in the facetime screen. Ronan propped his phone on the coffee table so he and Adam could be seen and took Adam’s hand. 

“No, no, that’s not what it was called,” Blue was saying, apparently mid-sentence even though they had called Ronan and Adam and therefore couldn’t have been surprised by their presence. 

“I swear it was,” Henry argued. 

“Adam!” Gansey said happily. “We’re in Iowa. We visited Effigy Mounds National Monument.” 

“They have big caves in Iowa, too,” Henry interjected, “But Gansey and I said fuck that! Right, Dick III?” 

The conversation continued like this for its whole duration, Blue and Gansey and Henry talking quickly and happily all at once, Ronan and Adam listening. Every so often one of them would trail off and another would pick up their sentence. It was hard to understand what they were talking about, but they were talking about it so excitedly that it didn’t matter anyway. Adam felt a deep warmth in his chest at how happy they were, mixed with an ache at wishing them home. Sometimes while Gansey or Blue was talking Ronan squeezed Adam’s hand tightly, and Adam could feel Ronan’s longing for their friends as acutely as his own. Eventually they had to hang up, because, Blue explained, they were going kayaking on the Yellow River and couldn’t be late or there would be no kayaks left and she would have to leave Gansey and Henry behind because she refused to miss the opportunity to see the fish up close. 

They said goodbye, again. Adam reached forward and ended the call. He turned back to Ronan, who had tears slipping slowly down his cheeks. 

“Oh,” said Adam, adjusting himself so he sat cross-legged on the couch like Ronan did, so they faced each other and their knees touched and it was easier to stop Ronan’s hands, which were worrying at his leather bracelets, and hold them in his own again. Ronan brought Adam’s hands to his mouth and placed a damp kiss on each, then released a choked sob and leaned forward to rest his head on Adam’s shoulder. Adam tangled both Ronan’s hands in his left and brought his right hand up to cup the base of Ronan’s skull gently, tracing circles with his thumb. They sat like that for a long while. Adam thought of how desperate he’d felt hugging Blue and Gansey goodbye outside Nino’s, struck by the thought that soon they’d be out in the world without him and how much he wanted them to stay. Finally, he said, carefully “It’s weird that they’re not here.” 

“Soon you won’t be here either,” Ronan murmured into his shoulder miserably. Factually. 

And here was the thing that Adam had been trying unsuccessfully to ignore during their idyllic summer: every moment he spent with Ronan brought them closer to Adam’s leaving. The distance looming too soon now had a name: it’s a full-fucking-ride to fucking Harvard, Parrish, you’re going, and a mile count: 615 exactly, travelled over eight-plus hours. It was not an impossible distance, but it was substantial, and it pressed in between them with each day that passed. Adam lifted Ronan’s head softly from his shoulder and used a finger to wipe a tear from under Ronan’s eye. He showed the tear to Ronan and thought he’d drive the sixteen-hour round-trip every day if it meant keeping Ronan from looking like this. 

“I’m coming back, though.” It had been easy, once, for Adam to dream of leaving Henrietta without looking in his rearview, but things were different now. He had never been so sure of needing anything as he was of Ronan. “I’m coming back, Ronan. I love you.”

“I know that,” Ronan said irritably. Then, softer, “I love you too.” 

He sniffled once and removed his hands from Adam’s so he could cup Adam's face and kiss him quickly on the forehead, then the lips, before again twining both of Adam’s hands in both of his. “I’m not worried you won't come back. It's just—everything's changing. Blue and Gansey are gone. You're gone in a few weeks. And I’ll be here. So you’ll all come back from the fucking real world, and I’ll have been here, feeding the goddamn cows. It’s not that I think you won't come back. It’s that you´ll come back changed and I’ll be stuck, and we won't know each other anymore.” 

“Ronan.” Adam paused, thinking what to say. He'd spent considerable time contemplating what Ronan had just suggested—that Adam would leave and they’d drift apart—and always came to the same conclusion. Adam had been borderline obsessed with the scenario at the start of the summer, with coming back and finding he and Ronan no longer fit. But he had realized it was an unfounded worry. Ronan was so inextricably a part of Adam that it sometimes felt as if they were two sides of one whole, or like Adam was looking into a mirror and watching Ronan look back. It had become obvious to Adam that he could no easier be removed from Ronan than from himself. No one else would ever know him so thoroughly, so without restraint, no matter the space between them. Adam was suddenly seized with the fear that Ronan didn't see their relationship the same way. He surged forward and kissed Ronan, hard, messy, felt Ronan kiss back, his tongue slide through Adam’s parted lips. Then, abruptly, Adam pulled back. 

“Adam?”

“Do you really think that'll happen to us?”

“No. Just ‘cause I don't think it´ll happen doesn't mean I can't be afraid it will. What if you get to Harvard and you find some rich assholes you like hanging out with better than me?” 

“First, you have no right to call anyone a rich asshole. You're insulting your own people. Second, we're both gonna be different when I come back, there's nothing we can do about it. Life keeps moving even if you wish it didn't.” Adam took a deep breath. A few weeks from now he´d be at Harvard. A few lifetimes from now, he'd still be in love with Ronan. “But, Ronan, there's no version of me that doesn't love you more than anything. There's no version of you that isn’t it for me.”  
Ronan kissed each of Adam’s knuckles, one-by-one. He wiped a tear from under Adam's eye, then one from his own, and showed them to Adam, like Adam had to him. Adam laughed. Ronan wrapped Adam in a tight hug and kissed the side of his head. 

“I’ll miss you, Parrish. I miss you just thinking about Harvard. I hate that Harvard gets you and I don’t. I think Opal´ll go ballistic when you leave, too, so that´ll be fucking fun.” 

“She’s already started hiding my things so I can’t pack,” Adam agreed. 

“I’m so fucking proud you’re going. Even though I miss you so much it hurts and you’re still right in front of me. You deserve Harvard.” 

“I love you,” Adam said again, slowly, savoring the feel of the words. 

“I love you,” Ronan replied. Adam felt it all over his body. He closed the gap between them again, kissed Ronan like he would forever. 

Too soon, it was the day before move-in. They stood in the driveway of The Barns, sweating in the late-August sun. Adam had built his life around this day, around getting the hell out of Henrietta, and with each second that passed he grew less sure he would actually go. He double checked that all his bags had made it into the car; Opal had tried to hide a few of them earlier in the day and he and Ronan had spent at least an hour hunting for them/coercing Opal with non-food items to chew on if she revealed their location. He and Ronan had dragged out the previous day in Lindenmere and the night at The Barns, lingering in each other's company, and part of Adam wanted to live in that day, this summer, forever. The rest of him hummed with anticipation for Harvard, for everything still to come. 

“Okay, college boy.” Ronan’s tone was joking, but his voice was thick. “You better get going.” 

“I haven't even left and I already miss you like you're part of my body,” Adam confessed. 

“I know. I’ll come visit soon. I’ll call daily. You’ll be sick of me within a week.” Ronan grinned sharply. 

Adam laughed. “It's like this,” he told Ronan, “I’ve been reading De Amicitia.”

Ronan nodded thoughtfully. “Cicero. You're a giant nerd.”

“Shut up. You recognized the author. There's a phrase he uses: tamquam—”

“Alter idem,” Ronan finished in wonder. “I know that one.”

“Nerd. That's us. That's why I’ll never get sick of you, no matter how much of an annoying asshole you pretend to be. It's something past love, I think. Unchangeable. I’ll be home soon. Be here for me.”

They hugged, hard. Ronan made a show of walking around Adam’s car and pointing out where it still looked like a shitbox and Adam rolled his eyes and pulled irritated faces but let Ronan talk. They hugged again. Adam kissed Ronan’s eyelids, then his lips. Ronan kissed Adam’s hands, his forehead, his mouth. They stood looking at each other for a long time, holding hands until finally Adam really had to leave. He kissed Ronan once more, then climbed into his car. It started, benevolently, on the first try, and Adam started out of Henrietta after nineteen years. As he pulled out of the driveway, he watched Ronan in the rearview mirror.

**Author's Note:**

> wow I haven't written and posted fic in literal years and this felt so good to write! I really missed them and cdth has reminded me how much. I hope y'all like this! I loved writing it. pls let me know any thoughts you have I will love you forever. I hope it feels true to their characters, esp the dialogue since I feel like there's more of it than in some of my fics and I'm never sure if I've captured their voices. either way I had a great time writing this and it feels so good to finish something and post it. thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> the title is from rex orange county's loving is easy bc u know what it finally is!
> 
> you can also talk to me on Tumblr @uncannyparrish and send me prompts or just say hey! I welcome all interactions


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